Geek in the Streets

One of the papers I wrote in college was about Roger Corman and his thematic use of outsiders in his films like the bikers in “Wild Angels,” the hippies in “The Trip,” and the beatniks in “A Bucket of Blood.” I can’t say that marginalized people is what initially drew me to his films but I have always been fascinated by outsiders and members of counter cultures.

I wasn’t a hippie, a beatnik, or a biker but as a geek in western Lawrenceville, Georgia I definitely felt like I was outside of the mainstream. I didn’t care about sports, especially the semi-religion of college football. I didn’t enjoy outdoor activities like fishing and didn’t go hunting with my dad. And though I went to church at that time I wasn’t Baptist or Methodist so I wasn’t even in the popular religions. I would later learn that there were other parts of the city and county that weren’t quite as southern, white working class as the area I grew up in but I was smack dab in the middle of what natives called “Dawg County” and my best friend was a cat named TJ. In middle school I met a few people who watched some science fiction movies and introduced me to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe” but it wasn’t until I got into high school that I found other kids who read comic books.

These days my nickname is SpaceCat. Back then it was “long-haired, hippie faggot*.” I was called lots of names. I was picked on frequently. I can’t say that whether I delved deeper into a world of comic books and fantasy more as an escape from the bullying or that being a geek attracted the bullies. I was especially awkward thanks to being on the autism spectrum and being overweight and without any athletic ability.

I didn’t fight back. I got angry. I got depressed. And I pushed away from people who didn’t share my interests. But I still wanted to have friends. And in high school I found them in 2 places: honors English and at the comic book store. I have lifelong friends to this day from those places. Keeping it 100 here: the kids at the comic book store were a little less motivated than kids in honors classes. And in the early 90s comic book stores were almost entirely patronized by boys and men. “Elfquest” and “Sandman,” which had substantial but still minority female readership, were the exception to the rule but mostly comics were marketed towards and purchased by males. Lots of hypersexualized women and musclebound men with guns were the popular fare. Now that I look at it now the industry created this echo chamber where they thought only boys read comics so they only made comics for boys. But since I hadn’t had much experience thinking out of the limited androcentric worldview I just thought comic books were cool and I was disappointed that there weren’t more girl readers. That’s why ComicsGate and the whole gatekeeper mentality seems so backward to me now. I wanted to share my passion with girls because, let me tell you, I wasn’t sharing ANY passion with girls. But more on that later.

*I detest this word. Yes, I am primarily heterosexual and I know that a lot of people use that term because in their eyes it’s demeaning to be called gay. I didn’t pursue their perceptions of masculinity and it fed into their bullying. I think homosexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality, and pansexuality are all awesome and cool and so it hurts to know that a person would be marginalized and treated poorly because of one of them. I can’t imagine how hurtful that word is to members of the LGBTQA community.